Gaybors and Blaybors

If maintaining a blog is anything like raising a child..... well let's hope if I ever have a child that doesn't need anything........ like food, water, or any looking after.

Okay, it has been a long-ass time, I know, and I am slowly drifting off into a lull in the basement of my dorm hall, so this will be a short entry. I will try to sum up this semester:

1. I kissed a cowboy on Halloween (and I liked it).
2. I also kissed someone dressed as Cyclops from the X-Men (didn't like as much as the cowboy).
3. I went to a haunted ship in duluth (who knew such things could be?)
4. My roommate had a weave (this is irrelevant to my life, I just wanted to publicly humiliate him).
5. I spent a lot of time on Facebook.
6. I proposed to Scott Alan on Facebook, and I really hope he considers.
7. I harassed a lot of McCain/Palin supporters
8. I became obsessed with fops.
9. I wrote a play.
10. I did Dalmation makeup on myself
11. I recorded a rap music video (this is false, but I'm getting tired and more forgetful).

Okay, I promise something more meaningful will come out of this eventually. This blog is becoming Britney Spears' career circa 2006-2008.... which is NOT a good thing.

Goodnight, and Good Luck,

MTB3

Sometimes Dreams Shouldn't Come True

Okay, so I had a series of crazy dreams last night. Not just normal crazy dreams, like Carol Channing-Nick Nolte-Ann Coulter crazy!!!

First of all, I had a dream (nightmare?) that I was invited to a special political conference in which I had to interview the devil herself, Sarah Palin (who I wish was Tina Fey ALL the time). Anyway, the interview ended in me exploding in anger at her stupidity and screaming in her face using the words "motherfucking cunt racist bitch!!!!" and I ended up making the news and being named Public Enemy Number One.

Then I woke up.

Dream number two involves me meeting Seann William Scott of American Pie fame on a bus, and then taking him back to my house (it wasn't my house but it played my house in the dream), and hooking up with him.

Then I woke up.

I know my other dreams were equally as disgusting and weird, but I can't remember.

More to come,

Matty B.

All I Can do is Keep Breathing

Hello. We are about 2 full weeks into the school year, and I already feel like I never even left, which is a good feeling because I'm comfortable, but a horrible feeling because It is very easy to feel a sense of entrapment (not the movie) in good ol' Stevens Point.

NEWSFLASH: I made a new black friend. He is my neighbor, and his name is Manfred. I often like to scream his name in a loud, high-pitched voice.

Can I just say how I have made a few new besties and I LOVE IT. This blog is going to be dedicated to my lovers. My two newest besties are Steph and Kelsey, and even though they aren't as pretty as they are on Facebook, I have had a blast this past week, and they make the unbearable a little more, well..... bearable.

Oh, happy 9/11 by the way!!!!!

Speaking of 9/11 I would like to publicly announce that Liz M. asked me today if I would be her Twin Tower, which was wildly inappropriate at first, but after thinking about it........... how much money could corporate America make if they went with this idea? It'll be like Valentine's day, but less stupid because people who aren't in love won't feel like complete D-Bags. You could propose to someone the day or week before 9/11, ask them if they will be your Twin Tower, TT for short, and then you would dress the same and go on a date on 9/11!!!!!!! You could print cute cards, buy each other American Flag pins..... either I am a wildly offensive and off-base person, or a brilliant mind who just created the next great marketing scheme.

Anyway, let's get the elephant out of the room (I might be using that expression wrong). I was not cast this semester in any shows, which is really really surprising considering I got completely naked during auditions, sang "Underneath Your Clothes" by Shakira, and performed a self-written monologue in which I played a Vietnamese hooker in the '60's. Why they didn't see my potential I will NEVER understand.

Let's move on.

It's not that I hate the majority of Wisconsin, but I definitely could do without the thousands of screams, hoots, and hollers that resound through the streets and startle me every time the Packers score.

I just got a knock on my door from someone doing a survey on Fraternities. Needless to say, I answered "no" to every question.

Time to Leave

I could be napping right now,

Matty B.

Back in Action

That's right Geese and Goslings (sp?), I am back in Stevens Point!!!!!!

I think Hurricane Gustav might have reached freakishly North last night because if you saw the state of my dorm room......... well, let's just say I could do a better job of cleaning/ putting my things away/ doing anything at all besides eat and sleep.

That's right, I live in the dorms. Again. I've been here since about age 7, and both of my CA's are younger than me. I feel like a senior citizen.

I was so excited to see everyone again!!!! Although a lot of people CLAIM they read my blog, so I think to see if they're lying I'm going to just start randomly trash-talking people in my blog just to see if they read it or not..... like I'll talk about how Emily Mccarthy suffers from random but intense secretions of blue liquid out of her hoo-ha, or how one time I walked in on Eric Harper tickling himself with a feather while listening to "Burnin' Up" by the Jonas Brothers. Now we'll find out who's a true friend, right?

Auditions are mere hours away. I'm nervous, but I have my black-face prepared and I picked out what to wear (going nude), so I think I am set for my starring role, clearly.

So on the floor of my dorm room (I haven't put anything away yet) I have all of my books/DVDs just laying there in a heap, and right now the first two things I can see are "The O.C. Season 2 " and "A Doll's House" by Henrik Ibsen. I could write an entire blog as to how it is so appropriate for those two to walk hand-in-hand. Marissa Cooper is a modern-day Norah. I think.

I start my classes this week! I'm SUPA excited for all of them, especially Playwriting. I'm gonna write a play about a Black Deaf person with Downs, with Meryl Streep in mind for the starring role.

Speaking of Deaf Person, I was "unpacking" yesterday, which really means I was watching "True Life: I'm Deaf" on MTV, and I'm pretty sure I cried for about 20 minutes. No, not out of laughter!!!! It was really emotional because one of the subjects got a hearing implant and so he could finally hear the voices of his family and friends for the very first time in his life!!!! It was quite amazing, and while it wasn't as funny as the Tourrette's episode, I felt very inspired by Not-Deaf-anymore implant boy. Very uplifting.... but then it was followed by the pretty deaf girl who didn't make her dance team, and it was just depressing, so I watched "The Suite Life" instead.

It's time for me to go get my life together. Peace out.

My audition today is going to be SO Raven,

Matty B.

It Is Time.

Okay, seriously, I feel like Daniel Day Lewis right now, because I have abandoned you, my child, mr. blog.

I have no real excuse as to why I haven't written all summer other than I just haven't felt inspired. I feel like I am an old person who lives every day exactly the same way: going to work, coming home, sleeping. That sucks. This summer has only confirmed the fact that I am definitely not going to live the 9 to 5 lifestyle after college (although that Dolly Parton song really gets me goin').

Next on the agenda: Jonas Brothers.
I love them, and have become slightly obsessed. It's safe to say I would do any of the Jonas Brothers, even the one that's 15. I also convinced all the kids at my park that the Jonas Brothers are my cousins and have now on TWO different occasions called Alex Van Handel (who is now in my phone as Kevin Jonas), put him on speakerphone, and made him speak to my children as though he was Kevin Jonas, throwing the children into a fit of awe and nervousness. This is the type of behavior I resort to to ensure that I get through the day.

In other news, I turn 21 on this Thursday, the 21st. I am extremely excited about this. (It just turned 9:11 on my computer clock, make a wish!) I think this may be an epic 21st birthday, so be prepared for a facebook album.

I also can't wait to go back to school! I'm so excited to see everybody. The only thing I'm really not enthused about is audition season.... blech.... however I, Matty B., have made the resolution to be optimistic about auditions this time and just have fun, because the results are for the most part not in my hands.

Oh, and for the record, Alex Van Handel sounds remarkably like Kevin Jonas. Uncanny, really.

I also have found myself defending Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus to complete strangers lately. It's really weird. But honestly, leave those girls alone!!!!!!!!

Well, I need to go get ready for the day (aka watch Olympics on NBC), but I'm glad I'm back in the swing of blogging. Sorry if this entry wasn't as gut-bustingly funny or soul-bearing as you would have hoped.

Goodbye Love,

Matty B.

I'm Still Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere

I haven't forgotten this exists, I promise. I sense a long and thoroughly inspired blog coming soon. In the meantime, I have been ridiculously busy working, going to Chicago, sleeping, and dancing to Rihanna.



I will return to you soon with some kickass entries that will rock your collective faces off.

Totes Haps July

New-Month Resolution:

Bring myself down to Earth. Lately I have found myself slowly rolling downhill into a huge ball of dissatisfaction with life, and quite frankly I'm sick of it. I'm not the kind of person who should be as negative as I have been. To inspire me to achieve ultimate happiness and enlightenment in July, I'm going to make a list of things I love about life, because those are the only things that matter, right?

I love:

Chips and Salsa
Seeing the elderly dance with the young
When small children tell racist jokes above and beyond their understanding
Singing in my car and thinking I sound like a F**cking Rock Star
Sunsets
When my little brother and sister make me laugh
Being inspired
Film
Bubble Machines
Wondering what kind of people are in the airplane I see flying over my head
Spontaneous Trips
Not worrying about who I am or where I am going
Being in a crowded place and not feeling judged or look at in any way.... complete comfort.
Electric Scooters
Food I'm not supposed to eat but do anyway
Texting my friends funny SNL and 30 Rock Quotes
Festivals
Not being afraid to say I love something.


That feels better,

Matty B.

Proud as a tiger. A gay tiger.

I was about to let another lazy night go by where I just fell asleep to a movie without blogging, but it's been a week and I think June 2008 has been a month worthy enough to squeeze another post out of me as its final hours dwindle away.

I have successfully convinced (I think) most of the children at my park of two absurdities. One is that my mother is a gorilla (yes, an actual gorilla), and the other is that I own 89 pet chickens (one of which is named Chelsea). They honestly and truly believe this, unless they are really good pretenders. They keep asking me detailed questions about Chelsea and often have me translate English phrases into Gorilla for them.

After reading the above paragraph to myself, and realizing how proud I am to have tricked small children into believing such stupid things, I think it is official. I am a loser.

Anyway, this weekend was an adventure. First I saw Wall-E with my sibs (amazing). Then on Sunday I went with my sis Steph and my beloved Vogutta to the Twin Cities Pride parade and festival. Now, you must know that I am the biggest cynic of such parades and festivals. I believed I belong at a gay pride festival as much as I belong at a Juggling Skills Pride Festival, which is NOT AT ALL a place I would ever be invited to. My theory is that they should have a "College GPA" pride, because I would be ALL over that bitch! At least I had to study and work for that..... there was no "gay audition," although sometimes I fear if I don't pop in my showtunes or gel my hair at least once a week that my license will be revoked.

Anyway, regardless of my pre-pride skepticism, I had a rather enjoyable time. It was nice to be in a place where my scathing remarks and bitchiness were not only unwanted, they were completely unnecessary. Of course, this made me a little uncomfortable at first because everyone was so genuinely comfortable and happy that I had no targets, but after I got used to it and joined all the gayness, it was a really really great day. Things like that kind of change my perspective on life..... suddenly I realize this world isn't just about me and my selfish insecurities.... it's nice to have a bitch-slap to the face of reality sometimes.

I love Christie Vogt. We were scoping out our future top-floor condos as we roamed the city. We found a few very nice-looking terraces, and I for one cannot wait for a few years to pass so we can be committed to each other and fill our fancy apartment with asian babies (which we will return to their owners at the end of the day because everyone knows babies are too much responsibility).

If you ever want to be really uncomfortable, call in your local radio and tell them to play "I Kissed a Girl" while you are in the car with your dad.

I bought a bus ticket to Chicago last week. I am going July 18th with Kelsey Jor-Jor and I am ridiculously excited to get a way, even if it's just for a few days. Time is flying by until this stupid summer job thing is over, I turn 21 and school begins again!!!!!!! Cannot wait!!!

P.S. E-Harp, I got August Osage County in the mail today and am already hooked. Thanks for the rec.

I wrote the P.S. before the signature even happened,

Matty B.

I Forgot Something

I realize I just posted, but I have something more to say, and I figure instead of updating the other post, it is much more fun and glamorous to write an entirely new one.

Can someone please tell me when the word 'funna' replace the word 'gonna'? I went to the library yesterday, for a few reasons. The first was to see if I even had an account there still, because I haven't been there since I was maybe 10 years old. The second was to see if I owed them money, because on my last visit (when I was 10) I checked out about 7 Goosebumps books and kept them...... forever. I peeled off the library stickers and whited out the library stamps and wrote my names on all of them, thinking that would make them exclusive to my ownership. For about two years, the library sent endless mail to my house to try and get me to either return them or pay for them, but I just ripped up the letters and chose to remain in denial of my books' true origins.

Anyway, the library lady looked up my name, and I did have an account, but by some miracle I owed them ZERO dollars!!!! Anyway, when she brought up my account she said "ooooh, it was funna be deleted!!!" After having her repeat herself 3 times, I finally realized the context in which she was using that word. I have yet to decide how I feel about it. A part of me despises it, but a part of me really wants to use it (in fact, I admit that I did say 'funna' at least twice last night).

That's my story.

Bye.

Matty B.

P.S.

COMMENT ON MY POSTS!

P.P.S.

The influx of readership on my blog is making me a little nervous. I feel kind of pressured to be the next John Grisham or Diablo Cody or R.L. Stine.

When the Sun Goes Down

My parents are out of town. In other words, I am in a fabulous mood. I took off work for the evening, and I am currently lounging on the sofa with Mallorie awaiting the premiere of Camp Rock, which is the new Disney Channel movie starring the Jonas Brothers. It's kind of a BFD.

Anyway, I realize it has been eons since my last entry, so allow me to recap the antics of my life. When we last left off, our hero and his two faithful friends (James and Stacey) ventured to Duluth for a party entitled "One Night at the Speakeasy." We put on our finest '20's garb (suspenders from ragstock and a faux-old-timey hat, and made the two hour trek to see some old friends of mine. It was a blast!!!

The next day, we went to the Minneapolis Mosaic multi-cultural festival, which consisted of hula dancing, intense booty dancing, step dancing, flamenco dancing, and some other kinds of dancing. It was all good fun except there was this one mildy retarded person in tie-dye who seemed to think they could just join the public performances and dance along with all of the people who had practiced so hard for all of us. She was SUCH an inconsiderate bitch.

Besides that weekend, I have done pretty much nothing fun. I am two weeks into my summer job, working with kids every day. I love chitrins.... but here's the thing: There are 26 of them, and just one other girl and me watching them. How do you like those odds? It is simply not fair. I basically work day to day trying to make sure all the kids stay alive.

Now it's time for a crazy mother story (no, not MY crazy mother, although her craziness hasn't slowed down in weeks of late). There is a mom at our park who has 2 children that attend. The other day she asked us to specifically monitor the drinking habits of her kids because they came home EXTREMELY dehydrated the day before (which basically to them was my fault). So I made the girls drink some wa-wa, and then the bitch calls the city and complains that I was "segregating" her kids when I made THEM drink water and nobody else!!!

If you are out there, lady..... suck it. Segregation is SO '60's, and does DEFINITELY not apply to this situation. If you want your kids hydrated, hook them up to an IV, don't complain to me.

Uh oh, we were just introduced to the "diva" of Camp Rock. This is going to be D to the Rama.

Anyway, too much storytelling in this entry.

Basically, I miss college. Not necessarily Stevens Point, and not necessarily the humans that inhabit central Wisconsin (although I do miss many), but just college in general. When I was young and gay and watching Grease, Danny and Sandy taught me that Summer was supposed to be an escape where you could just roll on the beach and make out under the dock. Where the fuck is my make-out dock partner? No summer lovin' for me? Grease can suck it too.

I have a theory that the Jonas brothers are not, in fact, brothers at all. Let's investigate, shall we?

I will probably update this again really soon because there are a lot of delectible details from my life that I have left out, so stay tuned, folks!


Disney Channel needs to stop producing badly-singing sluts,

Matty B.

I don't drink hot liquids of any kind.... that's the Devil's temperature.

Hi Blog world. I have so much to update about!

First of all, WELCOME to my new readers!!!! I have been slutting myself up and down the world trying to get people to read this and it just may have paid off. Also, feel free to comment at any moment!!!!

Now what's new in my life?

Well,

Yesterday I took my drug test for the city of Cottage Grove. I start with the kids on Monday, so I had to go in and piss in a cup first to make sure I wasn't gonna be smoking pot around and/or with the kids (which, let's be honest I am the kids' ONLY connection to the good shit). Anyway, I hate drug tests. Not out of fear of testing positive, but because it is overall just a humiliating and dehumanizing experience. First, you have some bitch ask you in front of EVERYONE whether or not you need water or if you are ready to pee now. Thanks, by the way, I am four years old and need you to hold the cup to make sure I can aim correctly! Secondly, she is SO impersonal about it! She prepared the cup while talking on the phone with some other bitch (medical clinic gossip) and then brought me to the bathroom, told me to pee then open the door so I could wash my hands. She had to give me special soap to wash my hands with. I really don't get it.

Anyway, I peed up to the line and they didn't even use all the pee. She just poured like half of it into a vile and then made me initial the vile. It was gross. THEN I left, and I really have been wondering all day and night what she did with the rest of my urine. I want it back, bitch.

Okay, next order of business. It's official!!!! I am CPR-Certified! I learned yesterday how to breathe life into a dummy and pump the fuck out of a heart if need be. Although I am pretty certain if anyone was really dying around me, I would pretend I wasn't certified because it all just seems to stressful for me.

In other news, I watched The Exorcist last night with Mallorie. I guess I didn't realize that showing that movie to my 12-year-old sister was a bad idea, but she did pretty well. She really stuck it out and only gasped a little bit when the demon child jabbed a crucifix into her hoo-ha. It was all good family fun. I had to explain to Mal that every good human experiences Exorcist trauma when they are young, and I denied her request to sleep in my room with me that night because she was going to have nightmares.

This weekend I am attending a party in Duluth with Mr. James Hansen and Ms. Stacy Fuelle. It is 1920's themed, and I am strongly considering showing up in blackface (in honor of Obama's nomination, of course). Would that be too offensive or appropriate to the theme? Let me know.

Oh one more thing. I was talking to Barack last night ( you know, Obama), and he told me that he wants to be President only so that he can legalize gay marriage and ask for my hand. That's how in love we are.

Wrap it up,

Matty B.

DOUBLE FORTCH

Okay, so some bad news, and then some good news.

The bad news:

So I got home from a grueling night at work (it was packed due to the apocalyptic tornado weather outside. Apparently there are many people who like to watch movies during tornadoes). I was very tired and naturally parched, so I went in the fridge to get myself a tall glass of cold milk (my fave beverage, as many of you are likely to know). I open the fridge and see leftover Chinese food boxes. A part of my soul died because there was like a tiny bit of rice left, meaning I missed CHINESE FOOD. I love Chinese food. If I wasn't afraid of my mom's wrath I would have half a mind to storm into her bedroom, ruin her slumber and inflict on her just a tiny bit of the pain I felt when my eyes landed on the ruins of what was surely a delicious Asian feast.

Anyway, after that drama, I got my glass of milk and found a fortune cookie. And here comes the good news my friend. Inside the fortune cookie, which I devoured instantly hoping the fortune would tell me I have my own personal FRESH chinese dinner waiting for me in the near future (you MUST eat the entire cookie before reading the fortune btw), was not one, but TWO fortunes. That's right, two entirely separate pieces of paper with two entirely different fortunes. I yelped with glee!!!!! I love fortunes! Okay, let's read them!!!

Fortune number one: "You will spend many years in comfort and material wealth."

YAY!!! Just what I've always wanted out of life!!!! So when all you sons-of-bitches are suffering under low wages and high gas prices, I will surely buy a few more material things in honor of your miserable lives. When I have 8 cars and a mansion, and my own person Chinese restaurant, my family will NOT be allowed to eat it. In fact I will leave ONLY Chinese leftovers in their fridge just to spite them.

Fortune number two: "You will never need to worry about a steady income."

WOWZA!!!! I am going to win the lottery soon. I think that these two fortunes pretty much make it official. Unless I will never have to worry about a steady income because I will only have an UNSTEADY income..... hm, tricky tricky Chinese fortune-writers.

By the way, who DOES write fortunes? Is that a job? Is it a journalism major, or an authentic Chinese sage? I would like to take a crack at it.

Anyway, those two fortunes have made my evening infinitely better. Especially when examining my current financial situation, I truly hope one or both of these fortunes comes true very very very soon.

Things I loved today: Seeing Mitch and Francine. I love reuniting with old friends!!!

It's late and I am exhausted from dealing with bitchy movie-watchers.

Goodnight all, and may you all be poorer than me,

Matty B.

Look at the Fireworks...

Newest obsession: In the Heights cast recording, which I obtained illegally.

I am looking for some new readers. I realized lately that this is mainly a secret blog with no real fan-base, and I think it's time for a large switcheroo, so I am going to start shamelessly plugging this (as I did to Mar-Holz) so that my brilliant words begin to gain a cult following. It will happen. Just you watch, cynics.

So this has quite possibly been the laziest week of my life. I haven't worked since Sunday, which means four entire days off in a row. I have slept until at least noon each day, eaten a few frozen pizzas, and watched some fine cinema, including Dreamgirls (which for some reason seams to ALWAYS be on the HBO Black channel.... apparently there really aren't that many black-themed movies. It probably always switches between Dreamgirls and The Color Purple). Anyway, each day my mom leaves me a note of chores to do around the house, and you best BELIEVE that I had Effie White blasting while I was vaccuming, and I have a kickass rendition of "And I'm telling you..." to add to my repertoire.

Let's all take a moment of silence for the recent deaths of Sydney Pollack and Harvey Korman....





Okay, we can be loud again.

Anyway, on to more important things, let's talk about my teeth. I think I may or may not have no less than 20 cavities, because my teeth hurt like a MOTHER.

Next on the agenda......
I have to take a drug test on Monday for my summer job. Which makes no sense to me at all..... because I found out I had to take this drug test like maybe 3 months ago so i purposely abstained from any substance abuse. Once Monday is over, I could easily get hooked on the Mary-J just to spite the City of Cottage Grove. I just don't see what a drug test prevents, really.

Also, as of Tuesday night, I will be CPR certified, so if any of you chokes at dinner or anything, I will TOTES be there for you suckin' on your face, like a true friend would. I've always wanted to be certified, I plan on showing my card to everyone I see. I might even just give it to people who need to see my driver's license and be like "oops, that's not my license..... but I AM CPR certified, you know...."

Best two things about being home: Free food, and Free beer. Free is always capitalized, by the way.

This is long enough for my tired eyes. Good night.

Love you all unless your name is Jessica Alba,

Matty B.

Never Gonna Dance

I am such a movie-watching fiend. I am currently observing the brilliance of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in Swing Time. It is pretty wonderful. I wish I could dance like him.... or her. I have almost perfected the "soulja boy" dance though, so it's only uphill from here.

Last night I attended the midnight showing of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with my lover and ex-facebook-fiancee, Erin McDonough. I love her, even though she broke off our Facebook relationship with one of my coworkers at Hollywood Video. Rude.

Anyway, the movie was a good time. It was ridiculously over the top and had 8 too many "yeah right" moments, but it was still wonderful Indy fun. Definitely the weakest entry in the series, but in such a kickass series, that doesn't really mean much discredit.

The demographic at the midnight showing of this film was pretty narrow. There were mainly two groups. Young skinny male nerds, and older skinny male nerds. An occasional plumpy here and there, but mostly just skinny nerds. .... and me and Erin. I suppose I could fit into the young skinny nerd category, but since I had a date, I will exclude myself (thanks very much).

Anyway, today was another great evening of work at good ol' H-vid. I try my best to sway people from renting terrible movies, but they just never listen.

One thing I don't understand: Why do people get so riled up over The Golden Compass just because it has atheistic undertones? Are your children really going to go on a quest to kill God if they view it? If so, then maybe you need to be a better parent. There is a hardcore Christian girl in Stevens Point who told me that I would go to Hell if I watched that movie (obviously she has no idea some of the OTHER stuff I had been watching in my alone time). I told her "okay, I better not rent it..... I'll rent Saw IV instead."

If I was Jesus (which really, I'm not so far from...), I would MUCH rather be in a movie with Nicole Kidman and Polar Bears than a movie like Passion of the Christ where they show me beaten up and bloody for 3 hours. I'd want some big-budget shit, some REAL action.

Funny thing is, the girl who told me this smokes weed several times a week, and is quite the binge-drinker. "It's not a religion, it's a relationship," she tells me. Really? A relationship? Is it on Facebook? If not, it is unofficial..... and by the way I think he's cheating on you.

Okay, this seems really anti-religious. In fact, I am pro-religion. I know many a human whose lives are greatly enhanced by religion. I just think some people need to shut the fuck up before they waste their time bitching about a stupid kids movie.

Bedtime,

Matty

Home Sweet....

Home is where the heart is. If by "heart" you mean screaming mother, loneliness and a constant feeling of impending doom and claustrophobia, why then whoever wrote that cliche statement must have a similar home life to mine.

I'm not being as dreamo (dramatically emo) as i sound right now. I just hate being in a place where I have less close friends than my dog, although those 2 or 3 friends are the people who make life worth living.

Anyway, I am in desperate need of something to do.... a structured life. I can't wait for the kids to be out of school so my summer job can start. My days of late have consisted of me sleeping until noon/1-ish, watching movies, eating Mac and Cheese (an entire box..... alone.... it's all we have, really), and.... well, not much. I am trying not to spend the speck of money that I possess right now, so basically my options in life are very small right now. I can't go to the movies, I can't eat unhealthy food, and I can't shop or drive anywhere..... that list of things is interchangeable with my list of favorite things to do in life. You can see how this poses a problem and causes said state of claustrophobia.

Anyway, I attended my little brother's middle school awards ceremony at my alma mater, Cottage Grove Junior High tonight. The fam was tied up in the usual sports commitments and fancy dinners, so I, being the only one without a life, was delegated as the moral support to watch Robert accept his one award: the Presidential Silver, which went to someone who was involved with school activities AND had a high GPA, but not as many school activities and not as high of a GPA as those who received the Presidential GOLD. So really the sentiment of his award was rather cheapened when they announced the Gold recipients immediately after.

Anyway, I hate people at that middle-school age. The girls were all way too scantily clad for my tastes. I usually make it a rule that the more braces and acne you have, the more clothes you should have on. What the boys lacked in sluttiness they made up for in Gay. That awkward, lanky, "I-don't-know-it-yet" gay. We've all been there. Or perhaps only me..... either way it made me sick with unwanted nostalgia.

Isn't it a strange phenomena that whenever you go back to place where you spent SO much time when you were younger, and that place just seems impeccably smaller? Like it was maybe made for midgets (excuse me, little people)? I mean, i wasn't THAT much shorter when I was in 9th grade so it couldn't possibly be that I just grew so much that I felt like Gandalf in the hobbit hole at my old junior high. I just think it's really easy to belittle things with an outsider's eye. Deep.

I have attempted to watch "Alien" for the first time twice today. The first was earlier and I fell asleep right away due to my narcolepsy, which has a strange link to literature and cinema.... whenever I try to enjoy either I am conked out within minutes. It truly is strange. The second time is now... when i have every intention of falling asleep during it, which is probably not a good idea because I don't want to have nightmares about a nasty-ass alien OR sigourney weaver, for that matter.

Whoops I forgot to capitalize sigourney. Did it again. Is it a sign of disrespect to un-capitalize the beginning of one's name? I think in the future it should be written "george w bush" so that he doesn't get the capitalization OR the punctuation of a real person.

Totes Defs time for bed/Alien,

Matty

Wowza

Hey you! I forgot this existed.... again. Well, what better time for a rediscovery of a time-wasting bloggy thing than FINALS!!!! I have 2 more exams, both tomorrow. I can't really contain the excitement that fills my heart whenever I think about just being good and done with this semester. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was a great semester. I learned a lot in my classes, had an awesome experience acting in Julius Caesar, pretty much finished AFI's top 100 movie list, and got close to a lot of new people I wasn't expecting to.

Overall, a great time. Today I had to spend multiple hours writing out 3 essays for Philosophy, out of which I will only have to hand in one. Sounds like a shitty deal to me, but I am almost finished. I just took a study break to Facebook and watch a movie. I am two hours into that study break, and it doesn't seem like studying will commence any time soon.

I am so excited to see Ms. Christie Vogt upon my return to Cottage Grove! She left me in January for Venezuela and I truly have missed her more than life.

My goals for the summer are to not spend money like I am Paris Hilton, and hopefully curb my ridiculous cynicism. My scathing humor is getting out of hand to the point where I am just pretty much an asshole. I think I just all around need to count my blessings and realize I don't really have a whole lot to be pissed off at the world about.

Anyway, I think that will be all for now. I will try to be more lengthy. It's funny, I feel so inspired to write every time I attend a boring class, yet whenever i actually go online for the purpose of writing, I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.

Here's to an imminent inspiration,

matty

Omigod You Guys.

For some reason or other, I thought it would be a good idea to revisit the "Legally Blonde" cast recording this morning. Here's to another week of these dumbass songs being stuck in my head. Guilty pleasure, can't help it.

In other news, tonight is our first preview of "Julius Caesar." We open tomorrow night! ahhhh! Forgive me, blogging world, for abandoning you in weeks of late. This play, along with school, is controlling my life. These past two weeks have consisted of grueling late-night rehearsals. I simply have not had the time to pour my soul into the world-wide whatever. The show, acting-wise, is going really well for me. I am really starting to feel completely connected onstage and really becoming my character. Totes fun. The tech stuff is slowly coming together, should be a cool show.

I really like my English teacher if only for the fact that we listened to Eminem in class the other day as an example of poetry. Love ya, Shady.

This isn't going to be a very long entry because I have to clip my toenails and watch "Michael Clayton." Weird sentence.

In fact, I'm ending this now. Good night, and Good luck.


Peace.

I'm Such a Blog Slut, I Probably Should Get Tested for BLAIDS.

Myspace. Facebook. Xanga. I tell you, folks, I sure have run the gamut of online self-indulgent soul-confessing that we call "blogging." No one really read my brilliant ramblings on those other sites, so I got bored late one night (Saturday, January 26, to be precise) and here I am on Blogspot in hopes of finding a wider and more loving audience. If not, that's cool, I'm still conceited and can make myself laugh when I read back on my documentations.

I just watched Sideways for the first time. What a brilliant film! It makes me want to escape to the northern Cali vineyards this second and drink some wine, just to feel classy. I don't even like wine.

In other news, I worked out all this week. Yes, that's right, my faithful and possibly nonexistent readers, Matty B. has enrolled at the local Cardio Center and plans on attending said center 5 days a week for some sort of workout. I was told I should fill out my frame to increase my casting range in the future, so i will try my best this semester. However, so far, every muscle and bone in my body seems strictly opposed to this kind of treatment. Will power, Matty, will power. I was going to enroll at the "strength center," whose membership consists mostly of jocks who already weigh about 90 pounds more than me, or not-as-strong wannabe jocks who weigh about 45 pounds more than me. Either way, they are all some variation of jock, so I opted for the Cardio, where I can shamelessly lift a pitiful amount of weight with the ladies and gays.

I also have done 8-minute abs three days in a row. Whoever created "8-minute abs" probably thought they were being really considerate by saving workout time or whatever. Let me tell you, the creator of "8-minute abs" is the biggest a-hole known to man, and whatever time I saved by cramming my crunching into 8 minutes I gained back by laying on my futon groaning in pain and wishing I was dead. So think about that, you 8-minute bitch.

There should be an 8-minute Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Then maybe I would actually finish it and the rest of the world wouldn't crucify me for being a pretentious fan.

I have rehearsal tomorrow. I heart Caesar. By the by, we took some really cool publicity photos the other day, and the above is one of them. Enjoy.

I am gonna peace out. Here's to a healthy future and great relationship for us, Blogspot. I hope you bring me the friends and prosperity that the fake teenage girl accounts tried to bring me on Myspace.

Peace, love, and some dead infants,

Matty B.