Sometimes Dreams Shouldn't Come True

Okay, so I had a series of crazy dreams last night. Not just normal crazy dreams, like Carol Channing-Nick Nolte-Ann Coulter crazy!!!

First of all, I had a dream (nightmare?) that I was invited to a special political conference in which I had to interview the devil herself, Sarah Palin (who I wish was Tina Fey ALL the time). Anyway, the interview ended in me exploding in anger at her stupidity and screaming in her face using the words "motherfucking cunt racist bitch!!!!" and I ended up making the news and being named Public Enemy Number One.

Then I woke up.

Dream number two involves me meeting Seann William Scott of American Pie fame on a bus, and then taking him back to my house (it wasn't my house but it played my house in the dream), and hooking up with him.

Then I woke up.

I know my other dreams were equally as disgusting and weird, but I can't remember.

More to come,

Matty B.

All I Can do is Keep Breathing

Hello. We are about 2 full weeks into the school year, and I already feel like I never even left, which is a good feeling because I'm comfortable, but a horrible feeling because It is very easy to feel a sense of entrapment (not the movie) in good ol' Stevens Point.

NEWSFLASH: I made a new black friend. He is my neighbor, and his name is Manfred. I often like to scream his name in a loud, high-pitched voice.

Can I just say how I have made a few new besties and I LOVE IT. This blog is going to be dedicated to my lovers. My two newest besties are Steph and Kelsey, and even though they aren't as pretty as they are on Facebook, I have had a blast this past week, and they make the unbearable a little more, well..... bearable.

Oh, happy 9/11 by the way!!!!!

Speaking of 9/11 I would like to publicly announce that Liz M. asked me today if I would be her Twin Tower, which was wildly inappropriate at first, but after thinking about it........... how much money could corporate America make if they went with this idea? It'll be like Valentine's day, but less stupid because people who aren't in love won't feel like complete D-Bags. You could propose to someone the day or week before 9/11, ask them if they will be your Twin Tower, TT for short, and then you would dress the same and go on a date on 9/11!!!!!!! You could print cute cards, buy each other American Flag pins..... either I am a wildly offensive and off-base person, or a brilliant mind who just created the next great marketing scheme.

Anyway, let's get the elephant out of the room (I might be using that expression wrong). I was not cast this semester in any shows, which is really really surprising considering I got completely naked during auditions, sang "Underneath Your Clothes" by Shakira, and performed a self-written monologue in which I played a Vietnamese hooker in the '60's. Why they didn't see my potential I will NEVER understand.

Let's move on.

It's not that I hate the majority of Wisconsin, but I definitely could do without the thousands of screams, hoots, and hollers that resound through the streets and startle me every time the Packers score.

I just got a knock on my door from someone doing a survey on Fraternities. Needless to say, I answered "no" to every question.

Time to Leave

I could be napping right now,

Matty B.

Back in Action

That's right Geese and Goslings (sp?), I am back in Stevens Point!!!!!!

I think Hurricane Gustav might have reached freakishly North last night because if you saw the state of my dorm room......... well, let's just say I could do a better job of cleaning/ putting my things away/ doing anything at all besides eat and sleep.

That's right, I live in the dorms. Again. I've been here since about age 7, and both of my CA's are younger than me. I feel like a senior citizen.

I was so excited to see everyone again!!!! Although a lot of people CLAIM they read my blog, so I think to see if they're lying I'm going to just start randomly trash-talking people in my blog just to see if they read it or not..... like I'll talk about how Emily Mccarthy suffers from random but intense secretions of blue liquid out of her hoo-ha, or how one time I walked in on Eric Harper tickling himself with a feather while listening to "Burnin' Up" by the Jonas Brothers. Now we'll find out who's a true friend, right?

Auditions are mere hours away. I'm nervous, but I have my black-face prepared and I picked out what to wear (going nude), so I think I am set for my starring role, clearly.

So on the floor of my dorm room (I haven't put anything away yet) I have all of my books/DVDs just laying there in a heap, and right now the first two things I can see are "The O.C. Season 2 " and "A Doll's House" by Henrik Ibsen. I could write an entire blog as to how it is so appropriate for those two to walk hand-in-hand. Marissa Cooper is a modern-day Norah. I think.

I start my classes this week! I'm SUPA excited for all of them, especially Playwriting. I'm gonna write a play about a Black Deaf person with Downs, with Meryl Streep in mind for the starring role.

Speaking of Deaf Person, I was "unpacking" yesterday, which really means I was watching "True Life: I'm Deaf" on MTV, and I'm pretty sure I cried for about 20 minutes. No, not out of laughter!!!! It was really emotional because one of the subjects got a hearing implant and so he could finally hear the voices of his family and friends for the very first time in his life!!!! It was quite amazing, and while it wasn't as funny as the Tourrette's episode, I felt very inspired by Not-Deaf-anymore implant boy. Very uplifting.... but then it was followed by the pretty deaf girl who didn't make her dance team, and it was just depressing, so I watched "The Suite Life" instead.

It's time for me to go get my life together. Peace out.

My audition today is going to be SO Raven,

Matty B.

It Is Time.

Okay, seriously, I feel like Daniel Day Lewis right now, because I have abandoned you, my child, mr. blog.

I have no real excuse as to why I haven't written all summer other than I just haven't felt inspired. I feel like I am an old person who lives every day exactly the same way: going to work, coming home, sleeping. That sucks. This summer has only confirmed the fact that I am definitely not going to live the 9 to 5 lifestyle after college (although that Dolly Parton song really gets me goin').

Next on the agenda: Jonas Brothers.
I love them, and have become slightly obsessed. It's safe to say I would do any of the Jonas Brothers, even the one that's 15. I also convinced all the kids at my park that the Jonas Brothers are my cousins and have now on TWO different occasions called Alex Van Handel (who is now in my phone as Kevin Jonas), put him on speakerphone, and made him speak to my children as though he was Kevin Jonas, throwing the children into a fit of awe and nervousness. This is the type of behavior I resort to to ensure that I get through the day.

In other news, I turn 21 on this Thursday, the 21st. I am extremely excited about this. (It just turned 9:11 on my computer clock, make a wish!) I think this may be an epic 21st birthday, so be prepared for a facebook album.

I also can't wait to go back to school! I'm so excited to see everybody. The only thing I'm really not enthused about is audition season.... blech.... however I, Matty B., have made the resolution to be optimistic about auditions this time and just have fun, because the results are for the most part not in my hands.

Oh, and for the record, Alex Van Handel sounds remarkably like Kevin Jonas. Uncanny, really.

I also have found myself defending Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus to complete strangers lately. It's really weird. But honestly, leave those girls alone!!!!!!!!

Well, I need to go get ready for the day (aka watch Olympics on NBC), but I'm glad I'm back in the swing of blogging. Sorry if this entry wasn't as gut-bustingly funny or soul-bearing as you would have hoped.

Goodbye Love,

Matty B.

I'm Still Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere

I haven't forgotten this exists, I promise. I sense a long and thoroughly inspired blog coming soon. In the meantime, I have been ridiculously busy working, going to Chicago, sleeping, and dancing to Rihanna.



I will return to you soon with some kickass entries that will rock your collective faces off.

Totes Haps July

New-Month Resolution:

Bring myself down to Earth. Lately I have found myself slowly rolling downhill into a huge ball of dissatisfaction with life, and quite frankly I'm sick of it. I'm not the kind of person who should be as negative as I have been. To inspire me to achieve ultimate happiness and enlightenment in July, I'm going to make a list of things I love about life, because those are the only things that matter, right?

I love:

Chips and Salsa
Seeing the elderly dance with the young
When small children tell racist jokes above and beyond their understanding
Singing in my car and thinking I sound like a F**cking Rock Star
Sunsets
When my little brother and sister make me laugh
Being inspired
Film
Bubble Machines
Wondering what kind of people are in the airplane I see flying over my head
Spontaneous Trips
Not worrying about who I am or where I am going
Being in a crowded place and not feeling judged or look at in any way.... complete comfort.
Electric Scooters
Food I'm not supposed to eat but do anyway
Texting my friends funny SNL and 30 Rock Quotes
Festivals
Not being afraid to say I love something.


That feels better,

Matty B.

Proud as a tiger. A gay tiger.

I was about to let another lazy night go by where I just fell asleep to a movie without blogging, but it's been a week and I think June 2008 has been a month worthy enough to squeeze another post out of me as its final hours dwindle away.

I have successfully convinced (I think) most of the children at my park of two absurdities. One is that my mother is a gorilla (yes, an actual gorilla), and the other is that I own 89 pet chickens (one of which is named Chelsea). They honestly and truly believe this, unless they are really good pretenders. They keep asking me detailed questions about Chelsea and often have me translate English phrases into Gorilla for them.

After reading the above paragraph to myself, and realizing how proud I am to have tricked small children into believing such stupid things, I think it is official. I am a loser.

Anyway, this weekend was an adventure. First I saw Wall-E with my sibs (amazing). Then on Sunday I went with my sis Steph and my beloved Vogutta to the Twin Cities Pride parade and festival. Now, you must know that I am the biggest cynic of such parades and festivals. I believed I belong at a gay pride festival as much as I belong at a Juggling Skills Pride Festival, which is NOT AT ALL a place I would ever be invited to. My theory is that they should have a "College GPA" pride, because I would be ALL over that bitch! At least I had to study and work for that..... there was no "gay audition," although sometimes I fear if I don't pop in my showtunes or gel my hair at least once a week that my license will be revoked.

Anyway, regardless of my pre-pride skepticism, I had a rather enjoyable time. It was nice to be in a place where my scathing remarks and bitchiness were not only unwanted, they were completely unnecessary. Of course, this made me a little uncomfortable at first because everyone was so genuinely comfortable and happy that I had no targets, but after I got used to it and joined all the gayness, it was a really really great day. Things like that kind of change my perspective on life..... suddenly I realize this world isn't just about me and my selfish insecurities.... it's nice to have a bitch-slap to the face of reality sometimes.

I love Christie Vogt. We were scoping out our future top-floor condos as we roamed the city. We found a few very nice-looking terraces, and I for one cannot wait for a few years to pass so we can be committed to each other and fill our fancy apartment with asian babies (which we will return to their owners at the end of the day because everyone knows babies are too much responsibility).

If you ever want to be really uncomfortable, call in your local radio and tell them to play "I Kissed a Girl" while you are in the car with your dad.

I bought a bus ticket to Chicago last week. I am going July 18th with Kelsey Jor-Jor and I am ridiculously excited to get a way, even if it's just for a few days. Time is flying by until this stupid summer job thing is over, I turn 21 and school begins again!!!!!!! Cannot wait!!!

P.S. E-Harp, I got August Osage County in the mail today and am already hooked. Thanks for the rec.

I wrote the P.S. before the signature even happened,

Matty B.