DOUBLE FORTCH

Okay, so some bad news, and then some good news.

The bad news:

So I got home from a grueling night at work (it was packed due to the apocalyptic tornado weather outside. Apparently there are many people who like to watch movies during tornadoes). I was very tired and naturally parched, so I went in the fridge to get myself a tall glass of cold milk (my fave beverage, as many of you are likely to know). I open the fridge and see leftover Chinese food boxes. A part of my soul died because there was like a tiny bit of rice left, meaning I missed CHINESE FOOD. I love Chinese food. If I wasn't afraid of my mom's wrath I would have half a mind to storm into her bedroom, ruin her slumber and inflict on her just a tiny bit of the pain I felt when my eyes landed on the ruins of what was surely a delicious Asian feast.

Anyway, after that drama, I got my glass of milk and found a fortune cookie. And here comes the good news my friend. Inside the fortune cookie, which I devoured instantly hoping the fortune would tell me I have my own personal FRESH chinese dinner waiting for me in the near future (you MUST eat the entire cookie before reading the fortune btw), was not one, but TWO fortunes. That's right, two entirely separate pieces of paper with two entirely different fortunes. I yelped with glee!!!!! I love fortunes! Okay, let's read them!!!

Fortune number one: "You will spend many years in comfort and material wealth."

YAY!!! Just what I've always wanted out of life!!!! So when all you sons-of-bitches are suffering under low wages and high gas prices, I will surely buy a few more material things in honor of your miserable lives. When I have 8 cars and a mansion, and my own person Chinese restaurant, my family will NOT be allowed to eat it. In fact I will leave ONLY Chinese leftovers in their fridge just to spite them.

Fortune number two: "You will never need to worry about a steady income."

WOWZA!!!! I am going to win the lottery soon. I think that these two fortunes pretty much make it official. Unless I will never have to worry about a steady income because I will only have an UNSTEADY income..... hm, tricky tricky Chinese fortune-writers.

By the way, who DOES write fortunes? Is that a job? Is it a journalism major, or an authentic Chinese sage? I would like to take a crack at it.

Anyway, those two fortunes have made my evening infinitely better. Especially when examining my current financial situation, I truly hope one or both of these fortunes comes true very very very soon.

Things I loved today: Seeing Mitch and Francine. I love reuniting with old friends!!!

It's late and I am exhausted from dealing with bitchy movie-watchers.

Goodnight all, and may you all be poorer than me,

Matty B.