Okay, so some bad news, and then some good news.
The bad news:
So I got home from a grueling night at work (it was packed due to the apocalyptic tornado weather outside. Apparently there are many people who like to watch movies during tornadoes). I was very tired and naturally parched, so I went in the fridge to get myself a tall glass of cold milk (my fave beverage, as many of you are likely to know). I open the fridge and see leftover Chinese food boxes. A part of my soul died because there was like a tiny bit of rice left, meaning I missed CHINESE FOOD. I love Chinese food. If I wasn't afraid of my mom's wrath I would have half a mind to storm into her bedroom, ruin her slumber and inflict on her just a tiny bit of the pain I felt when my eyes landed on the ruins of what was surely a delicious Asian feast.
Anyway, after that drama, I got my glass of milk and found a fortune cookie. And here comes the good news my friend. Inside the fortune cookie, which I devoured instantly hoping the fortune would tell me I have my own personal FRESH chinese dinner waiting for me in the near future (you MUST eat the entire cookie before reading the fortune btw), was not one, but TWO fortunes. That's right, two entirely separate pieces of paper with two entirely different fortunes. I yelped with glee!!!!! I love fortunes! Okay, let's read them!!!
Fortune number one: "You will spend many years in comfort and material wealth."
YAY!!! Just what I've always wanted out of life!!!! So when all you sons-of-bitches are suffering under low wages and high gas prices, I will surely buy a few more material things in honor of your miserable lives. When I have 8 cars and a mansion, and my own person Chinese restaurant, my family will NOT be allowed to eat it. In fact I will leave ONLY Chinese leftovers in their fridge just to spite them.
Fortune number two: "You will never need to worry about a steady income."
WOWZA!!!! I am going to win the lottery soon. I think that these two fortunes pretty much make it official. Unless I will never have to worry about a steady income because I will only have an UNSTEADY income..... hm, tricky tricky Chinese fortune-writers.
By the way, who DOES write fortunes? Is that a job? Is it a journalism major, or an authentic Chinese sage? I would like to take a crack at it.
Anyway, those two fortunes have made my evening infinitely better. Especially when examining my current financial situation, I truly hope one or both of these fortunes comes true very very very soon.
Things I loved today: Seeing Mitch and Francine. I love reuniting with old friends!!!
It's late and I am exhausted from dealing with bitchy movie-watchers.
Goodnight all, and may you all be poorer than me,
Matty B.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Look at the Fireworks...
Newest obsession: In the Heights cast recording, which I obtained illegally.
I am looking for some new readers. I realized lately that this is mainly a secret blog with no real fan-base, and I think it's time for a large switcheroo, so I am going to start shamelessly plugging this (as I did to Mar-Holz) so that my brilliant words begin to gain a cult following. It will happen. Just you watch, cynics.
So this has quite possibly been the laziest week of my life. I haven't worked since Sunday, which means four entire days off in a row. I have slept until at least noon each day, eaten a few frozen pizzas, and watched some fine cinema, including Dreamgirls (which for some reason seams to ALWAYS be on the HBO Black channel.... apparently there really aren't that many black-themed movies. It probably always switches between Dreamgirls and The Color Purple). Anyway, each day my mom leaves me a note of chores to do around the house, and you best BELIEVE that I had Effie White blasting while I was vaccuming, and I have a kickass rendition of "And I'm telling you..." to add to my repertoire.
Let's all take a moment of silence for the recent deaths of Sydney Pollack and Harvey Korman....
Okay, we can be loud again.
Anyway, on to more important things, let's talk about my teeth. I think I may or may not have no less than 20 cavities, because my teeth hurt like a MOTHER.
Next on the agenda......
I have to take a drug test on Monday for my summer job. Which makes no sense to me at all..... because I found out I had to take this drug test like maybe 3 months ago so i purposely abstained from any substance abuse. Once Monday is over, I could easily get hooked on the Mary-J just to spite the City of Cottage Grove. I just don't see what a drug test prevents, really.
Also, as of Tuesday night, I will be CPR certified, so if any of you chokes at dinner or anything, I will TOTES be there for you suckin' on your face, like a true friend would. I've always wanted to be certified, I plan on showing my card to everyone I see. I might even just give it to people who need to see my driver's license and be like "oops, that's not my license..... but I AM CPR certified, you know...."
Best two things about being home: Free food, and Free beer. Free is always capitalized, by the way.
This is long enough for my tired eyes. Good night.
Love you all unless your name is Jessica Alba,
Matty B.
I am looking for some new readers. I realized lately that this is mainly a secret blog with no real fan-base, and I think it's time for a large switcheroo, so I am going to start shamelessly plugging this (as I did to Mar-Holz) so that my brilliant words begin to gain a cult following. It will happen. Just you watch, cynics.
So this has quite possibly been the laziest week of my life. I haven't worked since Sunday, which means four entire days off in a row. I have slept until at least noon each day, eaten a few frozen pizzas, and watched some fine cinema, including Dreamgirls (which for some reason seams to ALWAYS be on the HBO Black channel.... apparently there really aren't that many black-themed movies. It probably always switches between Dreamgirls and The Color Purple). Anyway, each day my mom leaves me a note of chores to do around the house, and you best BELIEVE that I had Effie White blasting while I was vaccuming, and I have a kickass rendition of "And I'm telling you..." to add to my repertoire.
Let's all take a moment of silence for the recent deaths of Sydney Pollack and Harvey Korman....
Okay, we can be loud again.
Anyway, on to more important things, let's talk about my teeth. I think I may or may not have no less than 20 cavities, because my teeth hurt like a MOTHER.
Next on the agenda......
I have to take a drug test on Monday for my summer job. Which makes no sense to me at all..... because I found out I had to take this drug test like maybe 3 months ago so i purposely abstained from any substance abuse. Once Monday is over, I could easily get hooked on the Mary-J just to spite the City of Cottage Grove. I just don't see what a drug test prevents, really.
Also, as of Tuesday night, I will be CPR certified, so if any of you chokes at dinner or anything, I will TOTES be there for you suckin' on your face, like a true friend would. I've always wanted to be certified, I plan on showing my card to everyone I see. I might even just give it to people who need to see my driver's license and be like "oops, that's not my license..... but I AM CPR certified, you know...."
Best two things about being home: Free food, and Free beer. Free is always capitalized, by the way.
This is long enough for my tired eyes. Good night.
Love you all unless your name is Jessica Alba,
Matty B.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Never Gonna Dance
I am such a movie-watching fiend. I am currently observing the brilliance of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers in Swing Time. It is pretty wonderful. I wish I could dance like him.... or her. I have almost perfected the "soulja boy" dance though, so it's only uphill from here.
Last night I attended the midnight showing of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with my lover and ex-facebook-fiancee, Erin McDonough. I love her, even though she broke off our Facebook relationship with one of my coworkers at Hollywood Video. Rude.
Anyway, the movie was a good time. It was ridiculously over the top and had 8 too many "yeah right" moments, but it was still wonderful Indy fun. Definitely the weakest entry in the series, but in such a kickass series, that doesn't really mean much discredit.
The demographic at the midnight showing of this film was pretty narrow. There were mainly two groups. Young skinny male nerds, and older skinny male nerds. An occasional plumpy here and there, but mostly just skinny nerds. .... and me and Erin. I suppose I could fit into the young skinny nerd category, but since I had a date, I will exclude myself (thanks very much).
Anyway, today was another great evening of work at good ol' H-vid. I try my best to sway people from renting terrible movies, but they just never listen.
One thing I don't understand: Why do people get so riled up over The Golden Compass just because it has atheistic undertones? Are your children really going to go on a quest to kill God if they view it? If so, then maybe you need to be a better parent. There is a hardcore Christian girl in Stevens Point who told me that I would go to Hell if I watched that movie (obviously she has no idea some of the OTHER stuff I had been watching in my alone time). I told her "okay, I better not rent it..... I'll rent Saw IV instead."
If I was Jesus (which really, I'm not so far from...), I would MUCH rather be in a movie with Nicole Kidman and Polar Bears than a movie like Passion of the Christ where they show me beaten up and bloody for 3 hours. I'd want some big-budget shit, some REAL action.
Funny thing is, the girl who told me this smokes weed several times a week, and is quite the binge-drinker. "It's not a religion, it's a relationship," she tells me. Really? A relationship? Is it on Facebook? If not, it is unofficial..... and by the way I think he's cheating on you.
Okay, this seems really anti-religious. In fact, I am pro-religion. I know many a human whose lives are greatly enhanced by religion. I just think some people need to shut the fuck up before they waste their time bitching about a stupid kids movie.
Bedtime,
Matty
Last night I attended the midnight showing of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with my lover and ex-facebook-fiancee, Erin McDonough. I love her, even though she broke off our Facebook relationship with one of my coworkers at Hollywood Video. Rude.
Anyway, the movie was a good time. It was ridiculously over the top and had 8 too many "yeah right" moments, but it was still wonderful Indy fun. Definitely the weakest entry in the series, but in such a kickass series, that doesn't really mean much discredit.
The demographic at the midnight showing of this film was pretty narrow. There were mainly two groups. Young skinny male nerds, and older skinny male nerds. An occasional plumpy here and there, but mostly just skinny nerds. .... and me and Erin. I suppose I could fit into the young skinny nerd category, but since I had a date, I will exclude myself (thanks very much).
Anyway, today was another great evening of work at good ol' H-vid. I try my best to sway people from renting terrible movies, but they just never listen.
One thing I don't understand: Why do people get so riled up over The Golden Compass just because it has atheistic undertones? Are your children really going to go on a quest to kill God if they view it? If so, then maybe you need to be a better parent. There is a hardcore Christian girl in Stevens Point who told me that I would go to Hell if I watched that movie (obviously she has no idea some of the OTHER stuff I had been watching in my alone time). I told her "okay, I better not rent it..... I'll rent Saw IV instead."
If I was Jesus (which really, I'm not so far from...), I would MUCH rather be in a movie with Nicole Kidman and Polar Bears than a movie like Passion of the Christ where they show me beaten up and bloody for 3 hours. I'd want some big-budget shit, some REAL action.
Funny thing is, the girl who told me this smokes weed several times a week, and is quite the binge-drinker. "It's not a religion, it's a relationship," she tells me. Really? A relationship? Is it on Facebook? If not, it is unofficial..... and by the way I think he's cheating on you.
Okay, this seems really anti-religious. In fact, I am pro-religion. I know many a human whose lives are greatly enhanced by religion. I just think some people need to shut the fuck up before they waste their time bitching about a stupid kids movie.
Bedtime,
Matty
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Home Sweet....
Home is where the heart is. If by "heart" you mean screaming mother, loneliness and a constant feeling of impending doom and claustrophobia, why then whoever wrote that cliche statement must have a similar home life to mine.
I'm not being as dreamo (dramatically emo) as i sound right now. I just hate being in a place where I have less close friends than my dog, although those 2 or 3 friends are the people who make life worth living.
Anyway, I am in desperate need of something to do.... a structured life. I can't wait for the kids to be out of school so my summer job can start. My days of late have consisted of me sleeping until noon/1-ish, watching movies, eating Mac and Cheese (an entire box..... alone.... it's all we have, really), and.... well, not much. I am trying not to spend the speck of money that I possess right now, so basically my options in life are very small right now. I can't go to the movies, I can't eat unhealthy food, and I can't shop or drive anywhere..... that list of things is interchangeable with my list of favorite things to do in life. You can see how this poses a problem and causes said state of claustrophobia.
Anyway, I attended my little brother's middle school awards ceremony at my alma mater, Cottage Grove Junior High tonight. The fam was tied up in the usual sports commitments and fancy dinners, so I, being the only one without a life, was delegated as the moral support to watch Robert accept his one award: the Presidential Silver, which went to someone who was involved with school activities AND had a high GPA, but not as many school activities and not as high of a GPA as those who received the Presidential GOLD. So really the sentiment of his award was rather cheapened when they announced the Gold recipients immediately after.
Anyway, I hate people at that middle-school age. The girls were all way too scantily clad for my tastes. I usually make it a rule that the more braces and acne you have, the more clothes you should have on. What the boys lacked in sluttiness they made up for in Gay. That awkward, lanky, "I-don't-know-it-yet" gay. We've all been there. Or perhaps only me..... either way it made me sick with unwanted nostalgia.
Isn't it a strange phenomena that whenever you go back to place where you spent SO much time when you were younger, and that place just seems impeccably smaller? Like it was maybe made for midgets (excuse me, little people)? I mean, i wasn't THAT much shorter when I was in 9th grade so it couldn't possibly be that I just grew so much that I felt like Gandalf in the hobbit hole at my old junior high. I just think it's really easy to belittle things with an outsider's eye. Deep.
I have attempted to watch "Alien" for the first time twice today. The first was earlier and I fell asleep right away due to my narcolepsy, which has a strange link to literature and cinema.... whenever I try to enjoy either I am conked out within minutes. It truly is strange. The second time is now... when i have every intention of falling asleep during it, which is probably not a good idea because I don't want to have nightmares about a nasty-ass alien OR sigourney weaver, for that matter.
Whoops I forgot to capitalize sigourney. Did it again. Is it a sign of disrespect to un-capitalize the beginning of one's name? I think in the future it should be written "george w bush" so that he doesn't get the capitalization OR the punctuation of a real person.
Totes Defs time for bed/Alien,
Matty
I'm not being as dreamo (dramatically emo) as i sound right now. I just hate being in a place where I have less close friends than my dog, although those 2 or 3 friends are the people who make life worth living.
Anyway, I am in desperate need of something to do.... a structured life. I can't wait for the kids to be out of school so my summer job can start. My days of late have consisted of me sleeping until noon/1-ish, watching movies, eating Mac and Cheese (an entire box..... alone.... it's all we have, really), and.... well, not much. I am trying not to spend the speck of money that I possess right now, so basically my options in life are very small right now. I can't go to the movies, I can't eat unhealthy food, and I can't shop or drive anywhere..... that list of things is interchangeable with my list of favorite things to do in life. You can see how this poses a problem and causes said state of claustrophobia.
Anyway, I attended my little brother's middle school awards ceremony at my alma mater, Cottage Grove Junior High tonight. The fam was tied up in the usual sports commitments and fancy dinners, so I, being the only one without a life, was delegated as the moral support to watch Robert accept his one award: the Presidential Silver, which went to someone who was involved with school activities AND had a high GPA, but not as many school activities and not as high of a GPA as those who received the Presidential GOLD. So really the sentiment of his award was rather cheapened when they announced the Gold recipients immediately after.
Anyway, I hate people at that middle-school age. The girls were all way too scantily clad for my tastes. I usually make it a rule that the more braces and acne you have, the more clothes you should have on. What the boys lacked in sluttiness they made up for in Gay. That awkward, lanky, "I-don't-know-it-yet" gay. We've all been there. Or perhaps only me..... either way it made me sick with unwanted nostalgia.
Isn't it a strange phenomena that whenever you go back to place where you spent SO much time when you were younger, and that place just seems impeccably smaller? Like it was maybe made for midgets (excuse me, little people)? I mean, i wasn't THAT much shorter when I was in 9th grade so it couldn't possibly be that I just grew so much that I felt like Gandalf in the hobbit hole at my old junior high. I just think it's really easy to belittle things with an outsider's eye. Deep.
I have attempted to watch "Alien" for the first time twice today. The first was earlier and I fell asleep right away due to my narcolepsy, which has a strange link to literature and cinema.... whenever I try to enjoy either I am conked out within minutes. It truly is strange. The second time is now... when i have every intention of falling asleep during it, which is probably not a good idea because I don't want to have nightmares about a nasty-ass alien OR sigourney weaver, for that matter.
Whoops I forgot to capitalize sigourney. Did it again. Is it a sign of disrespect to un-capitalize the beginning of one's name? I think in the future it should be written "george w bush" so that he doesn't get the capitalization OR the punctuation of a real person.
Totes Defs time for bed/Alien,
Matty
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Wowza
Hey you! I forgot this existed.... again. Well, what better time for a rediscovery of a time-wasting bloggy thing than FINALS!!!! I have 2 more exams, both tomorrow. I can't really contain the excitement that fills my heart whenever I think about just being good and done with this semester. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was a great semester. I learned a lot in my classes, had an awesome experience acting in Julius Caesar, pretty much finished AFI's top 100 movie list, and got close to a lot of new people I wasn't expecting to.
Overall, a great time. Today I had to spend multiple hours writing out 3 essays for Philosophy, out of which I will only have to hand in one. Sounds like a shitty deal to me, but I am almost finished. I just took a study break to Facebook and watch a movie. I am two hours into that study break, and it doesn't seem like studying will commence any time soon.
I am so excited to see Ms. Christie Vogt upon my return to Cottage Grove! She left me in January for Venezuela and I truly have missed her more than life.
My goals for the summer are to not spend money like I am Paris Hilton, and hopefully curb my ridiculous cynicism. My scathing humor is getting out of hand to the point where I am just pretty much an asshole. I think I just all around need to count my blessings and realize I don't really have a whole lot to be pissed off at the world about.
Anyway, I think that will be all for now. I will try to be more lengthy. It's funny, I feel so inspired to write every time I attend a boring class, yet whenever i actually go online for the purpose of writing, I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.
Here's to an imminent inspiration,
matty
Overall, a great time. Today I had to spend multiple hours writing out 3 essays for Philosophy, out of which I will only have to hand in one. Sounds like a shitty deal to me, but I am almost finished. I just took a study break to Facebook and watch a movie. I am two hours into that study break, and it doesn't seem like studying will commence any time soon.
I am so excited to see Ms. Christie Vogt upon my return to Cottage Grove! She left me in January for Venezuela and I truly have missed her more than life.
My goals for the summer are to not spend money like I am Paris Hilton, and hopefully curb my ridiculous cynicism. My scathing humor is getting out of hand to the point where I am just pretty much an asshole. I think I just all around need to count my blessings and realize I don't really have a whole lot to be pissed off at the world about.
Anyway, I think that will be all for now. I will try to be more lengthy. It's funny, I feel so inspired to write every time I attend a boring class, yet whenever i actually go online for the purpose of writing, I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.
Here's to an imminent inspiration,
matty
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